What lays past the mirage

For the past three years, I’ve been fixated on certain interpersonal interactions in my life, namely virtual ones. I have a soft spot for a thoughtful SMS, as I believe text as a media is a more thoughtful, nuanced capture of the soul. Looking at a message gives you time to prepare how you want to present yourself and communicate to others.

This week, with the help of a partner, I was able to at last work past fixations on people who I put on a pedestal in moments of deep loss. Many things said have stuck with me and often reverberate in my mind. But with the ephemerality of words also comes carelessness. Over time, I was able to realize that while I cared deeply and expressed these feelings through a phone, the pithiness of the other expressed an opposite sentiment.

While the text form I like almost better than in-person interactions, as I often despise intimate contact, I have come to appreciate the care and investment in the latter more. And I feel better, more present, less obsessive for it.

I now understand the path towards a clear mindset.