I believe this truth to be universal that with age comes a more siloed perception of the people that matter to you in your life. It’s a 1-to-1 kind of feeling rather than socializing in groups, especially when dating comes into the equation. There’s less social proof that used to come with being classmates or growing up as a young family. You have a greater freedom to break norms or reputations you might have had since childhood, and then do things no one would believe even if you told them anyway.
In terms of how I should see myself, the use of dating apps was an empirical gold mine for me. I was never considered pretty before, so I was shocked to see hundreds of matches in a matter of months. Of course, within this metric are spammers and bots and hookup requests, but the number stands alone.
As such, my first relationship was a complete secret to his network. I didn’t care about his friends knowing but I did come to realize that I did want to meet his parents, and that became a fundamental to me. His justification was that I wasn’t 100% committed, and that I needed to stop thinking about old romantic ghosts.
If he had held faith to wait five years, he would reap the fruit borne of patience.
I’m over him, and the guy before him too.
How did I survive in the meantime? I began to characterize my love obsessions like an actress performs: stricken with passion, not deceit or fakery, but a storm with a beginning and an end.
… More importantly, make mistakes that make for good stories, regardless of whether you continue life with this person or not.