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The problem with the diabetes metaphor
With my diagnosis of schizophrenia + bipolar, otherwise known as schizoaffective, I hear this explanation of my chronic illness all the time. The premise is that drawing a parallel between a measurable health condition like diabetes and mental illness should give hope. All you need is the right medication, and life should be manageable. But…
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Appearance = identity
This is somewhat a trashy post, be warned. Object of comparison The ideal is that no one judges another by appearance. However, as I get older, I become increasingly self-conscious and socially stratified when I see other girls more beautiful than I am. My brother Kevin often tells me that the only essential tenet you…
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Keeping score
Ever since I started playing badminton, I have trouble keeping score. Whose serve is it? How many points? I came to a relieving aha-moment while I was finishing a puzzle. Another way to think about short-term memory is that you have a finite number of pieces to work with. Together, the pieces form a narrative…
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My preoccupation with changing the world
I have a hard time with relaxing to enjoy entertainment. I don’t like movies. Books are a bit better. Overall, I can’t sit still for long periods of time. I cry easily. I am too influenced into doing things that sound cool in the media but are quite dumb when played out. I went to…
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Without pointing fingers
I find, as I get older, that making friends requires more effort and more intention. On one end of the spectrum, it is easy to go out for dinner with acquaintances as an adult. However, the kind of person I seek in my life must mean much more than that. Can he show up in…
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How do I know?
I’ve tried and tried, but expressing love always makes me feel like a fraud. What if I don’t love him the way he deserves? What if my past romances tangle and trip me into the present? Why is there a societal expectation to love one, and one only? But instead of making love a predicate…
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First penguin
My mom often describes me as the somewhat stupid, foolhardy penguin that jumps off the cliff first. I would agree. Today, this is the case with my song. Instead of feeling ready before making myself vulnerable, I’m diving right in! I’m not a great singer, but posting my music and covers here reminds me to…
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Popovers
From “kids baking” by WILLIAMS-SONOMA My good friend Emma gave me this kids’ cookbook years ago. It’s the best gift I’ve ever received, as I still use it to this day. This is the simplest and most delicious recipe in the book! When baked, each pastry rises and curls into itself, reminiscent of those plant…
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my M.O.
I helped run a high school badminton tournament a few weeks ago. It was one of my first times running the league planner software, and I kept on messing up the match-ups between players. It was somewhat humiliating. But my saving grace was that I recovered from the failure quickly. A saying coined by Zuckerberg…
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A Poem, My Ass
If you pry apart your mouth wide enough, you can see me crying. I’m small, microscopic, warm to the touch, Containing multitudes, not misunderstood but not desiring to be loved. Do you, too, transcribe limbs for science?
