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I’m mildly pissed today.
This is not the first time I’ve heard “that’s not you.” When I experimented heavily with my appearance in freshman year of university, my lab mate told me: “Just be yourself.” Who is she to know what kinds of mannerisms are authentic and which are not? The idea of purity, authenticity; the idea that a…
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Surprising beautiful women
2 hospitalizations ago, I was sitting in the common room before the sun came up. One of the dining workers carted in the morning coffee. “And the most graceful woman in the room just walked in,” I pealed. “You’re pulling my leg,” responded the black woman in dining cap and small gold hoops. She tried…
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Snail pancakes
Adapted from Auntie Emily. I recently drove to Crane Beach with a friend to gather snails. It’s been ten years since I last collected this moon snail variety. Kai was terrified at first of eating them. However, once presented in a tastier format, he was quite impressed and took a liking to the food. Make…
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A sweet moment
Today my mother mentioned to me in passing: “I’ll do your hair when you get married.” Me? Given my illness, even claiming to have a future feels perilous. But I look to the future with cautious optimism. Fundamentals: nurturing relationships, remaining busy with meaningful work, prioritizing family and personal health above all. Maybe my life…
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Selling a dream
Somehow my YouTube reintroduced me to a childhood favorite movie of mine: Kung Fu Panda. There are so many lines and scenes to love: but the line that hit hardest came from the antagonist Tai Lung. He accused his master of selling him the fantasy that his future was set as the successor of Kung…
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What lays past the mirage
For the past three years, I’ve been fixated on certain interpersonal interactions in my life, namely virtual ones. I have a soft spot for a thoughtful SMS, as I believe text as a media is a more thoughtful, nuanced capture of the soul. Looking at a message gives you time to prepare how you want…
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Peculiarity
I woke up a few days ago with a fruit sticker label thoroughly adhered to my left nipple. Well played, FBI. Well played.
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The case for (not social) media
It’s not controversial to say that social media, is on the whole, toxic. Fostering a thick, musky layer of conceit, sensationalism, and self-aggrandizement, nowhere in its algorithms does it seem to value truth. In addition, Tik Tok or YouTube cannot express nuance that requires over twenty minutes to communicate. Other long-form types of media, however,…
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Approaching the limit of authenticity
When it comes to breakdancing, I would not call myself a b-girl. I’m in the suburbs, rather affluent and maybe not in a situation that warrants movement as a way to stay off the streets, in the manner that breaking originated. But nevertheless, I am seeking heartfelt dancing. The kind that rewards and fulfills oneself…
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Astronomical self-improvement
… lies in knowing what to learn. I have a few phrases floating around from books and articles I’ve read. “Most things are not worth learning.” “It takes seven years to become a master, and you have nine chances to become a master of something over your lifetime.” “1% better every day compounds over time.”…
