The greatest pleasure about being an adult is to destroy the heuristics that I was told as a kid. In all aspects of my life: romance, professional development, self-care… nothing has been conventional. My “one true love” has been toxic to my independence and identity. University discouraged me from being curious and pursuing my real passions. All the psychological coping strategies I learned about have become secondary to medication being the first line of treatment.
In essence, no one I know is leading a life like I am. But if anything, the lack of external validation only makes me stronger.
The most powerful concept I’ve discovered that breeds healthy living is the Stoic idea of mastery over thoughts and emotions.
To clarify, your mental state can be as ruminant and intense as can be. You can have darkness and perversion to the utmost degree. But how you choose to manifest in this reality— that is mastery. How you present yourself; how you treat others… that is what final divine judgment should be based upon.
Engagement with the external world is where the fight within myself begins.
Take the situation of hearing a song that you and your ex used to listen to together. When you hear the song, involuntary association begins and your mood changes immediately. Our modern world is chock full of these mental reminders on steroids. It’s like how having a dream about someone can either make or ruin your entire day.
The first solution to maintain inner peace is avoidance.
But living with no news feed, no social media, no YouTube: is not an easy or sustainable way to engage with the world.
J Cole said it best when he talked about alcohol use. The test is not abstinence, but rather being able to say yes or no in the presence of the drug and peer pressure.
This is where discipline begins.
You must calibrate your own social compass of what is okay and what is not, liberated from the expectations of your community. When a thought appears in your head, do not give it power or moral value. Be your own cosmonaut.
There’s a mantra floating around somewhere on the internet as follows.
All the successful people you see in happy relationships, with good cash flow, meaningful work… They began no different than you or me. What separates them from the rest is that they curated their life to align with their values. Their foundation was built on years of compounded good decisions with the right people.
The mantra adds a second degree of complexity. There is trial by fire, but also success by association. So much of American spirit is about paving the way for others. The smarter way to go about early in one’s lifetime is to learn from existing business owners. The average entrepreneur is easily mid-30s. I have over a decade to learn and innovate on what wisdom already lays upon us from the past. History repeats itself, and yet the past does not predict the future. Standing in the nuance of aged experience and young naivete, there is something to be said about the benefits of each.
Here’s the most simple advice I have for the first 20 years of life.
Stay alive.
Someone as highly revered as Stephen “Twitch” Boss, a world-class and well-loved dancer, committed suicide this year to everyone’s surprise. Braver, more talented, and blessed people than you have succumbed to struggles you would never understand.
Love hard, but avoid dependency. Forgive easily. Discern with kindness, not pity.
Fight the hell you live in so that no one else has to go through what you’ve been through.