This is somewhat a trashy post, be warned.
Object of comparison
The ideal is that no one judges another by appearance. However, as I get older, I become increasingly self-conscious and socially stratified when I see other girls more beautiful than I am.
My brother Kevin often tells me that the only essential tenet you need is to be better than who you were yesterday. What he meant implicitly, I am sure, is to remain self-focused with the simultaneous comparison of self to others. The envy, the insecurity, the desire to be someone else, is ever present. To take a step above the frivolity of superficiality is the bravest choice. Sure, you can never be her, but subvert that statement, and you will come into your own.
I have an odd habit where different people I meet claim different looks. Once I see someone with a unique style, I try to avoid constructing the same look. The latest trashy thing I did was admire the black Lululemon shorts that I noticed on other bodies, and purchased a similar one of my own, in a different color. Failure.
Do all Asians who bleach their hair seek attention?
In contrast, somewhat independent-mindedly, I’ve been wanting to dye my hair silver for years. This past weekend, I began the process of bleaching.
Boy, did I feel the blow back from my parents. “Think about how disappointed grandma and grandpa would be” ; “low-class and cheap”; “you look mixed race”; “what would employers think”; “attention-seeking and lost”… the list goes on.
I just want to look like an old person. That’s my primary objective, secret to myself. My hair is quite thick and resistant to bleach, so it will be four to five months before I achieve the desired look.
Inspired by PONY the makeup artist, I eventually want to wear gray color contacts on a daily basis, in addition to light makeup, to homogenize the colors on my face and hair. The idea of being easy on the eyes for other people is a really pleasing concept to me.
Looking forward: beyond hair
Lastly, I need to step up my style. This is not synonymous with dropping money to buy clothing, I might add. One of my goals lately is to study fashion houses, and play with subtle references to past and current styles. There is no way that anything I create hasn’t been done before. The best I can do is to recreate motifs with respect towards the initial creators.
Please look forward to style reports of times past! I hope to dip my toe into fashion design.
My focus is not towards style bloggers or Instagram trends, but rather released collections from emerging designers. To me, this is the equivalent of reading a book rather than watching a 5-second TikTok. I seek mediums that allow for time to cogitate, to consider cultural context and reinvention of ingenuity.
Independent of trends, fashion should be about expressing your mental state in external form. Maximalism, minimalism; walk-in closets or capsule wardrobes: there is no one way to satisfy a lifestyle. The choices of appearance you make daily constitute your personality. Not just what you choose to wear, but what you choose not to wear. Absence can be just as powerful as presence.
Photos as proof?
I refuse to post photos of myself or loved ones, but I hope that conversations about appearance coexisting with identity can provoke more meaningful looks for anyone who reads. I wish you better taste.