my very first wedding weekend


One greasy smokey oven fire (sorry mom!) later, we arrived in New Hampshire with homemade crostini and potato skins in tow.

Sometimes learning happens as a result of responding to social demands, rather than saying, “hey! I want to learn this.” Kai pointed out that I had driven over seven hours over the course of the weekend, picking up friends from Logan and driving an hour north to the wedding locale. His patience and visible nervous grabs of the sidecar really made me want to do well by him. With his timely advice and warnings, he manifested guardian angel vibes… if angels meddled with humans that is. Three or four swerving maneuvers later: I am a better driver for it.

Having missed several alarms on Saturday morning, we showed up an hour late to Boston. Nevertheless, our new companions appeared as cheerful as ever despite the sheer fatigue of travelling 3000 miles. Did you know that picking up from the departures side of the airport saves over half an hour of time?

On the way home we stopped by China Star in Lowell.

In typical Chinese fashion, I paid for the dim sum breakfast only to receive a Zelle from Jamie of the entire bill. These past years have battle tested my pride and what it means to be a woman: to receive with grace. I didn’t fight her for it. I thanked her instead.

What does it mean to be a good host? I thought a clean room, filtered water, snacks and beer would be it.* Instead, I found that housing all my friends in one place generated old conversations anew. We laughed over many many moments and found that in our five years of isolation from each other we had come to some of the same conclusions and pieces of the internet (NYT’s Connections).

* I DID NOT KNOW THAT PORK BELLY IS NOT VIABLE HOTPOT MATERIAL

We arrived at the wedding chirping with excitement. And after the testimonials of the small garden gathering, we began to relegate conversation to our shared experiences at Groton. All of us agreed that we would not encourage sending our children to the same private school we had attended together.

This was not to say we didn’t make lifelong friendships and family. Something about the combination of our personalities and ages left a searing mark on a few of our teachers. My Spanish teacher, Sr., expressed that other Groton faculty assumed every new generation of students would be just as connected and trusting with them as the four of us girls. Turns out, we were just an anomaly. No other groups of students or alumni attended Jon’s wedding.

Now for the heart of the event. Jon’s newly-married wife is a professional singer. They sang so rumbling and rambling and adorable together, declaring a lifetime of mischief and magic with each other. Poetry and song and a few tears were shed by friends and coworkers. We ate a wedding cake for dwarves, and contra-danced to a live band. We played mega Jenga outside the town hall, then petted all three dogs on the scene.

Out of anyone in the world, Jon has a gift for making me feel most understood. Yesterday my dad yelled at me for him having to verbalize things that are obvious: clean your dishes and cups after using, take out trash & recycling on Wednesday. Jon is the opposite. Expects nothing in return yet is able to convey the beauty of how messy life is. I felt that my silence during the testimonials could capture this feeling.

I think the reason why I didn’t cry is because their kind of love is still unfathomable to me. In their loss of their mothers was profound rebirth of finding each other. To me, my family comes before love of a significant other. I still have my grandparents and parents and brother, who I know will chop off all the hydra heads of my illness at its most ugly and defacing. I have not yet met anyone besides my mother who can hold onto the iron-hot writhing beast that I can be at my worst.

But this weekend is not about me and I want to make that clear. I could so easily tell that they had crossed the boundary from lovers to family.

We finished the weekend at Kimball’s. Pistachio, affogato, strawberry kiwi sorbet, and apple crisp. Ivana couldn’t get the seasonal pumpkin flavor so she opted out.

Lucky for her, she got her revenge on all of us by winning Machi Koro, a Monopoly-like board game. Somehow almost 20 – 30 rolls were 90% landing on 4, which propelled her to win the game very quickly.

TL;DR

I’ve asked way too many people to marry me but I’ve never been happier that one said no. Godspeed Jon and Jazimina.